I have never fit well into boxes.

Maybe it’s the middle child thing. I was designed from the get-go not to fit.

In the world I grew up in, everything was black or white. My special shade of grey was not always accepted. Like a square peg trying to fit into a circle hole, I have always been somewhat out of sync with my environment.

For years, I tried. I tried my hardest to be everything I was told I was supposed to be. To check every box. To walk every line. To follow every creed.

Then, one day, I couldn't follow anymore. I had to speak out about what I was seeing. And the Church (big "c", not necessarily a particular entity) that I had faithfully been a part of my whole life - pushed me out. 

There’s lots of talk as of late about the “deconstruction” of religion. For me, the process over the past four or five years has felt less like a deconstruction and more like a DEMOLITION. It’s been painful. It’s been difficult. It’s been confusing. It’s been a lot of things.

The purpose of this blog is to process this demolition. To work through the doubts and quandaries and ponderings. To share what I have learned and where I am still struggling. I know I am not the only one going through this. I hope that by sharing my experiences, I will help others out there know they are not alone. YOU are not alone. We can ask, we can question, we can struggle - together.

I realize that my somewhat controversial title might alienate some of the more conservative believers. If it helps, I have been jaded by religion, certainly, by church, perhaps, by church members and fellow Christians, yes. But not by God. Somehow, someway, I have held on to my faith even through this demolition. At times, that has meant kneeling in the shards, frantically searching through the fragments of what had once been my belief system for a sliver of faith I could hold onto, my knees and palms and fingers bleeding and my eyes weeping... But faith has always been there. God has always been there. And for that, I am thankful.

Truthfully, this blog is not for ultra-conservative believers anyway (though you are welcome to stick around if that is you). It's for people like me. People who no longer (or maybe never did) fit within the modern-day church. People challenging the long-held staples of religion and wondering if we may have been wrong all along. People searching for faith among the fragments of religion.

This blog is for you. The outcasts. The outliers. The disenfranchised. The exiled. The ragamuffins.

Join me on the journey.

 

SUBSTACK USERS: You can now find and follow my blog on Substack. This allows you to also subscribe so you'll be notified every time I post something new. To find my Substack link, please click here: The Jaded Evangelical | SM Reed | Substack

 

S.M. Reed holds a Master's in Theology and a Certificate of Ministry. She has been in church since before she was born, and actively involved in various church ministries - most notably Children's Church, Women's Ministry, and Outreach Teams - since age eleven, minus the past few years when she went on a... hiatus. She works full-time and mommys full-time, so writing is a favorite hobby and pastime. As of 2024, she will also be in school, finally fulfilling a lifelong dream to be a pastor. If you want to learn more about her, read her blog posts!

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