"Oh, honey, women can't be pastors!"

Pardon the curse word in this photo if it offends you, but it felt rather appropriate for this post...

If you read my post about how I was raised, you know that I grew up as a pastor's kid. You may also know that I adored my father. I wanted to be just like him. So, the following is probably no surprise.

One day, a sweet old church lady (if you grew up in church, you likely already have a picture of her in your mind) asked little nine-year-old me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I straightened my shoulders, tipped up my chin, and answered with one hundred percent confidence, "I want to be a pastor like my dad!"

I don't know what reaction I was expecting, but I didn't get it. Instead, she laughed. She laughed at me. She laughed at nine-year-old me and said, "Oh, honey, women can’t be pastors!" As if the very idea were absurd.

At the time, in our denomination, at least, she was correct. Women were not allowed to be pastors. I checked with my parents later and they confirmed it. Apparently, I was not allowed to be a pastor nor to serve God in that way because I was born a female.

I cannot tell you how much I wish that my parents had said, "If that's what God has called you to, you should follow His calling and He'll make a way!" or "But you could be the first!" I wish they had encouraged me and my dream. But they did not.

Or, if not that, then I wish that I myself would have had the kind of personality that said, "I’ll show you!" and gone and done it anyway. But, alas, I did not have that personality, not then at least.

My dream was crushed. And for years, I floundered about, not knowing what else to do with my life.

A lot has changed since I was nine. Many churches now do affirm women as pastors and leaders. And, in my opinion, rightly so. Yet this continues to be an issue split across denominational lines. A 2022 Lifeway study found that 76% of mainline pastors agreed women may be senior pastors, but only 44% of Evangelical pastors agreed. Methodists in particular ranked at 96% in agreement, while Baptists were the lowest at 14%.

Another study (by Zippia) found that only 12.9% of U.S. pastors across denominations were women. 12.9%! All the while women outnumber men in every single denomination's congregation, which on average consists of 61% women to 39% men*.

If more than half of all congregants are women, why aren't we letting them hear from women in the pulpit??

This brings me to a personal pet peeve. One of my biggest pet peeves, in fact. I mean, we all have them, right? Well, this is mine.

My pet peeve is when there’s a women’s event or conference or retreat, a mom’s group perhaps, where there are only women in the room, and... they bring in a male speaker.

They bring in a man to speak to a group of women.

Now, there are certainly many talented and gifted men with great things to say. But why do they need to say them at an event just for women?

Consider if this were flipped. Have you ever seen a men's event or conference or retreat, a dad's breakfast perhaps, where they have a woman speaker? Have you?

I'll wait.

No, right? The answer is no. It doesn't happen. The idea even makes people chuckle. So then, why do we on the regular do that to women?

To me, the message when you bring in a man to speak to a group of women is that the organizers believe a man has more of value to say than a woman would. Or, that they couldn't find a woman qualified enough to speak up front. Either way, it's pretty depressing.

The arguments for why women should be allowed to be pastors are many, and I don't have the space or bandwidth to mention them here. Thankfully, I don't have to, because many other wonderful women have already written on the subject. Check out: "The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth" by Beth Allison Barr, "No Little Women" by Aimee Byrd, or "Lydia's Impatient Sisters" by Louise Schottroff, among others (I don't get paid for these referrals, by the way). My friend's book, "Leading from the Feminine", also has a lot to say about the damage to our culture at large - and the church - that has come from silencing the feminine voice.

We have silenced over half the voices in our church. And half the voices in our country! What would it be like if we were to hear from all Christians, regardless of gender?

Women, too, have gifts of teaching and preaching and leadership and discipling and prophesizing. The majority of the most Godly, most Biblical, and most Jesus-like people I have met... have been women.

Women, who were not allowed to speak.

By sidelining women, we are missing out on a great deal of the work that God wants to do in our churches and in our communities. 

Do not be mistaken or misled by my pet peeve. I am not by any means stating that women should only speak to or preach to other women. I believe women should be able to be in whatever position God has gifted them to be in. Lead pastors, discipleship pastors, youth pastors, deacons, elders, etc. If women can learn from a male pastor who preaches in front every Sunday, men can learn from a female pastor as well.

There is no difference, except in our minds.

*Sidenote: I am acknowledging that my binary man/woman language may be exclusive to those who do not fall into either category. I apologize for my bias.