Crises of Faith

Over the years, I have had many debates with my fellow Christians about those who leave the faith.

In John 10, Jesus says when talking about His sheep - the believers - that no one can snatch them out of His hand.

This is where the "once saved, always saved" crowd stakes their beliefs.

But as young Christians especially, we were troubled by people who left the faith. We tried to console ourselves with believing that maybe they had never truly believed or had never truly known God. Maybe they were only Christian in name or in culture. 

I think it frightened us. Especially when the people we saw falling away were ones we had previously worshipped besides, studied the Bible with, or looked up to. What did it mean if they left and turned their backs on God? Did it mean we, too, could lose our way? Were they going to Hell? Could we end up there?

Maybe it is because of that fear that we often cut ties with those who walked from the faith. Wrote them off. No longer associated with them. As though concerned their loss of faith might pull us under, too.

It's weird now being on the other side of things.

Not that I lost my faith.

But I almost did.

And there are still moments that I doubt. There are still things I wrestle with.

Yet, it wouldn't be accurate to say I never truly believed, or never truly knew God.

In fact, I wrote a whole blog on how my personal experience with God is one of the factors that helped me hold onto my faith even in the pain and uncertainty.

While it is true I was very shaped by Christian culture, I don't think I was only a cultural Christian. My faith was real.

So, what was it then?

I work a lot in the field of trauma, and recently I heard someone talk about how a traumatic event changes the way you see yourself, others, and the world. Your worldview can be changed negatively, but it can also be changed positively.

In many ways, what I experienced from other Christians during the Trump administration was for me a traumatic event. It was beyond my ability to cope, and I had almost no support going through it.  And I think it did change things. It did change how I saw myself, others, and the world.

I have noted that I felt like that experience demolished my previous worldview, even though, as I’ve been writing this blog, I have found little pieces have remained that I didn’t even realize I still hold onto. But there are definitely things I see differently.  And there are things that I still don’t know how to see exactly. Areas where I still need clarity.

I didn’t feel like I left the faith, per say. It felt like the faith, the Church, pushed me out. I wasn't wanted there anymore. And I wonder how many others have felt like that, too.

How many people have Christians pushed out of the church because they looked different or loved different or voted different? How many people have we judged too harshly and too quickly? How many people have we hurt and then abandoned? How many people have we left behind?

I wonder sometimes if we won’t be judged for that when we stand before God.

After all, Jesus said, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to." (Matthew 23:13)*

Woe to the Church of America, who shuts the door of the kingdom of heaven in people's faces...

I wonder how many people who have left the faith could be brought back by love.  By Christians who show love to them and pray for them and are kind to them. If it is hurt and pain and rejection that has pushed them away, maybe it is healing and reconciliation and love that could bring them back. And bring them back without strings attached, right?  Jesus never said, fix everything that’s wrong with you and then come to me. He regularly associated with "sinners" and people the culture had pushed out and left behind. Once relationship was established, then He told them, "Go and sin no more." 

We have more than not forgotten the relationship part.

Jesus loved. 

So should we.

Maybe then we could avoid pushing people out in the first place. We could stop being gatekeepers who only let in those who match our high standards (which we don't even hold ourselves to), and instead be groundskeepers, who help build a kingdom of compassion where we actually do the work Christ gave us to do.

We have failed... but we do not have to keep failing.

*As a sidenote, another thing that has been surprising to me is how much Scripture is still in my mind. I spent years studying the Bible and reading it cover to cover and a lot of it is stuck in there, even though I after spent a long while without picking it up. I don’t always remember where in the Bible it is, but I know it’s in there somewhere and Google is a very nice aid in finding references.  This reminds me of the importance of reading the Bible and knowing your Word. Scripture knowledge gives you something to hold onto in the dark times and helps you to combat the lies that are often spread in our culture and in the Church.