Spare the Rod

The white middle-aged male pastor stood tall behind the pulpit. 

"You know what I miss? I miss the days when parents were allowed to whup their children if they misbehaved." A chorus of agreement came up from around the sanctuary. "That's why we have so many young people out there, doing whatever they want, disrespecting their parents, and making bad choices. Our country is going down the tubes because we haven't properly disciplined our children. Our hands have been tied!" 

The memory of this pastor lamenting the days parents could legally beat-up their children came back to me recently as I had a comparable experience. I was conducting a training on Mandatory Reporting law, and after I explained how it is illegal for a parent to strike a child so hard it leaves marks, and therefore must be reported to child protection services, one of the participants - also a white middle-aged male - said, "Well, I'm sorry, but I disagree." And he went on to make a similar argument as the pastor did, explaining why kids needed to be beat or they "wouldn't learn", and then later "would be too big" to beat and therefore out of control.

It was astonishing and horrifying. The other participants in the room also looked horrified and yet no one spoke up, implying to me that they were intimidated by him. I patiently explained how we now have research from neuroscience and psychology and child development experts showing the negative effects of hitting children, and he scoffed, "Well, that's just your opinion." So, then I reiterated that the law says it's illegal, and left it at that.

Of the two encounters, it is the church example that concerns me the most. How did the Church get so involved in promoting child abuse? Shouldn't the Church be involved in child protection instead? 

And, does the Bible actually encourage us to hit our children?

Most Christians can easily quote, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Most probably believe this phrase is an actual verse from the Bible.

Spoiler alert: it's not.

Parts of the phrase are found in Proverbs. Two verses in Proverbs, to be exact: 13:24 and 23:13. Here they are in the NIV version:

13:24: "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."

23:13: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die."

Consider also, 29:15: "A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother."

The actual quote that is tossed around quite a bit, "Spare the rod, spoil the child", comes from a poem written in the 1660s by Englishman Samuel Butler. The poem was written as a satire, to make fun of and criticize the Puritan faith he had left. A faith which encouraged corporal punishment of its children. The quote, therefore, is not a recommendation to hit a child - but rather a disapproval of the practice.

What do these verses refer to in regards to "sparing the rod"?

We know that corporal punishment of children was common practice during that time period (and, one could argue, still in ours today). But does God honestly tell us to do it?

Why would God tell us to do something that we now know is harmful? As I noted to the dissenting gentleman in my training, there are multiple research studies from the last fifty years or so which show that adults who were hit as children are more likely to struggle with mental illness, substance abuse, at-risk behaviors, delinquency, and a myriad of health problems.* 

In other words, the problems the men were lamenting as being prevalent in our country are linked to what they believed was the solution.

Surely God would not recommend something that harms our children so?

Anytime we are interested in understanding a verse, we must consider the context, rather than taking a verse by itself. The three verses referenced above are all part of the book of Proverbs, a collection of wise sayings, most attributed to King Solomon, the wisest man ever to live.

These verses all link the rod to "discipline". So, what is discipline?

Discipline comes from the same root word as disciple. It is also translated in other verses as "instruction". There is definitely a teaching, learning implication here, much more so than a punishment aspect. This makes me think of Paul's words in Ephesians 6:4 for parents not to "provoke" their children but to "bring them up in training and instruction".

There are other verses in the Bible which support this translation. The Bible tells us to "teach" and "train up" our children, to "live by example", and to tell them about God and what He has done. Children are told to respect and honor their parents - but children who are frequently beat do not respect their parents. They may fear them, but fear is not the same as respect.

What is the "rod"? I have heard many a pastor relate this term to the shepherd's rod which was used to direct sheep. This is a possible interpretation. It is certainly an image the rural, often nomadic people would have been familiar with. Within this image, we should note that the rod was only rarely ever used to harm. It was primarily a tool used to guide, lead, and correct. Remember David's words in Psalms 23, "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."

Surely, he would not have been comforted by something that caused him pain.

In examining the meaning of this verse, however, I came across another possible interpretation by a Hebrew scholar. He notes that the word "rod" in Proverbs is also the same word used for "sceptor", like the one a king would wield. Like the one King Solomon himself would have had. In fact, in other texts written within the same time period, the word is almost always used in reference to a sceptor. 

The sceptor was a sign of authority. The person in authority would establish rules and boundaries, as well as consequences for breaking those rules. Much like a judge with a gavel. It was not a tool to punish or beat with. 

Perhaps the meaning of the verses then, is this: children need guidance. They need rules and boundaries. They need consequences. The role of the parent(s) is to correct, train, instruct, and lead. There is a proper place for authority, but it doesn't have to be an authoritarian type of authority that is upheld with a strict hand. There is space for grace.

Ultimately, for Christians, our parenting (especially, perhaps, for fathers) represents God to our kids. The image of God they will hold onto into adulthood will reflect the type of parents they had. Is God an ultra-disciplinarian who is quick to punish and slow to listen? Or is God a fair God, who holds boundaries but loves unconditionally?

The choice is ours.

*I am sure there are some out there who are "thankful" they were whupped as a child and believe they are better for it, or at least note they weren't harmed because of it. There is an exception to every rule. But the fact that you managed to get through something difficult and not be scarred by it doesn't mean that others haven't been scarred by the same.