The Bridal Price

"This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit." - Matthew 1:18

When we really think about the Christmas story, there are questions that arise. For example, what were Mary and Joseph to each other? Were they engaged? Were they betrothed? Did they even know each other? Was it some kind of arranged marriage?

And, was Mary really 14? And was it okay for Joseph, a grown man, to marry her?

A lot of these questions can be answered through context. Specifically, Jewish context. We must remember that the gospel story takes place in Israel among the Jewish people. Mary and Joseph were Jewish. Jesus was Jewish. They believed in the Jewish God, followed the Jewish traditions, and worshiped in the Jewish temple. 

So, let's dive into marriage traditions back in Jesus’ day.

When a Jewish man was interested in marrying a woman, he would first go to her father. Marrying age for men was generally around 20 or so. The potential bridegroom would ask her father what the "bridal price" was to marry her.  This was the amount or token that he would give her father in exchange for being allowed to marry her. It was to compensate the family for the loss of her labor and yes, my inner feminist objects at this, but this was common in that day, and still common in many cultures today.

Once the young man had paid the price, they would enter into a marriage covenant. This was an agreement kind of like an engagement, but even more formal. They were considered committed to one another, betrothed. Though the marriage had yet to be consummated, they were as good as husband and wife. To break the marriage covenant was a serious offense. It was punishable by minimum banishment and potentially even stoning to death.

Once the marriage covenant was established, the man would return to his father's house in order to prepare a place for him and his new bride to live. Meanwhile, the woman would prepare herself to leave her parents' house by packing her things and learning everything she needed to learn from her mother about being a wife. 

This period of preparation lasted as long as 12 months.

Once everything was ready, the man would return to collect his bride. He would bring her to the place that he had prepared for her, and there would be a great wedding party.

It should be noted, because I will reference this later, that men who had some means would pick up their bride with a donkey, so the bride didn’t have to walk. Rich men would pick up their bride on a horse.

Anyways, it is most likely that the angel appeared to Mary during the 12 months preparation period. She was betrothed, committed to Joseph, but they had yet to consummate their relationship as she still lived with her parents. Mary was impregnated by the Holy Spirit.

This would’ve been incredibly scandalous in that time. Joseph had the right to throw her out of the community or to turn her in for judgement. But he didn’t. It says a lot about him and his character that he wanted to deal with it quietly to spare her reputation and even her life. This implies to me they had some kind of relationship. This wasn’t merely a woman his parents had arranged for him to marry. I think he cared about her. 

You have likely heard before that Mary was probably about 14 years old. The average age for women to be betrothed at the time was between 12 and 15, so that's a reasonable conclusion. After all, women were restricted from study and from the learning a trade, so what else were they to do but get married, be a wife and bear children (again, my inner feminist is complaining, but this was the cultural norm). It’s also important to keep in mind that the life expectancy at that time was only about 40, so people wanted to have kids early.

As we ponder the Christmas story, it's important to keep context in mind. Understanding Jewish marriage traditions from the time of Jesus, might bring another context to mind as well...

Remember when Jesus said, "My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" (John 14:2-3). Jesus was telling us we are the bride and He is our bridegroom (see also 2 Corinthians 11:2).  One day, He will return for us to bring us to his Father's house. (I assume this is obvious, but just in case, the Father's house refers to Heaven and eternal life).

I talked in a previous post about why Jesus had to die. Perhaps this is another way of looking at it: Jesus' death on the cross was the payment of the bridal price and the signing of the marriage covenant. He paid for the bridal price with His life. It cost Him everything. But He believed we - His bride - were worth it. 

We are committed to Jesus. Betrothed to Him. It would be a serious thing to break our covenant. 

We are in the preparation period right now.

It has lasted for far more than 12 months… It’s lasted 2000 years.

But…  He is preparing a place for us. And one day, He will return.

How?

On a horse.

^"Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True... And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written:

KING OF KINGS AND
LORD OF LORDS." - Revelations 19:11, 16

Our Bridegroom is coming for us on a horse... and the wedding party will be amazing.

Will you have a seat at the table?