Taking It Back

Some people fight dirty.

Fighting dirty is when you use someone’s weaknesses against them. You know someone has a bum knee or a wounded shoulder that hasn't entirely healed, so when you’re fighting you target those areas. Or you know someone’s weakness is their devotion to their child and so you use that against them.

Some have said the devil fights dirty. He knows just how to get to us, and he does so with great precision.

In conversation about this a few days back, a friend commented that for her, it’s physical. Every time she sets out to do something big for God, she gets hit with another physical ailment. And boy, has she been through it! 

For me, it’s always been mental. My old woundings or my mental health is attacked, and I let myself be derailed. The old wounds are also there, and a solid hit on them leaves me reeling. Feeling not good enough, feeling unwanted, feeling that nothing I do matters anyway, feeling that no one cares what I share so why bother.  When hit, these wounds fester and ache, slowing me down.

As I reflect back on my life, every time I have taken a big step of faith towards something I believe God has called me too, I can see a correlation to a dip into depression, a stumbling block of self-doubt, or going into flight mode. 

Now that I see the pattern, I hope I will be able to move through these attacks in prayer. Resist it further in the future.

There’s a song on the radio that my kids love. Every time it comes on, they want me to crank up the volume. They ask me to play it at home. They have nearly all the wounds memorized.

And yet, at one point, it occurred to me they may not actually understand the message of the song or what they are singing. I think they just like the sound of it. So, we had a little talk about it. 

The song is called, "Take It All Back" by Tauren Wells. Here's the chorus:

I'm calling the angels down
I'm storming the gates of hell
Tell the devil he don't own my soul
I'm taking back what the enemy stole

I'm raising the battle cry
I'm holding the banner high
With the power of the Holy Ghost
I'm taking back what the enemy stole

I told my kids, sometimes when we set out to follow God, the enemy doesn't like that very much. So he tries to steal things from us: our joy, our purpose, our faith. But, God is bigger, God is stronger, and God will ultimately triumph. In Him, we can take back what has been stolen from us.

Today, the song came on when the kids were not in the car with me, and I realized something. This song is like my anthem. My scars, my wounds, my mental health struggles, my experiences - have nearly stolen my faith a few different times in my life. Most recently, what I have described in this blog. 

But God is faithful. God drew me back to Him. God never forgot me. And I'm taking it all back.

In the Old Testament, there is a story of a woman who was mistreated. Her name was Hagar. She was judged and pushed out of her community. She thought she and her young son were going to die. But God remembered Hagar. He provided for her, and He made promises to her that gave her hope. And she said, "You are the God who sees me" (Genesis 16:13).

God sees us. God sees you. God sees me. Even among the billions of people on this planet. He knows your name. He knows my name. He knows the things we suffer, the wounds we have, the struggles and the pain.  He has not forgotten us. And He has great plans for us, plans to give us hope. 

When the devil comes to hit us, knock us down, bump us off the road Christ has set us upon, we can remember. We are seen. God will never leave or forsake us.

What are the ways that the enemy attacks you? And how can you take it all back today?

Today I did a brave thing. I published a Bible Study* I wrote a few years ago. It feels a little like putting a piece of myself out there, knowing it may be judged, rejected, ignored. Knowing it might trigger the old wounds. 

But sometimes, taking it all back means taking big steps. Following God where He leads, even when it's scary. 

And counting on Him to walk with you, each step of the way.

*Shameless plug, the Bible study, "The Jewishness of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew", can be found on Amazon.