God Doesn't Owe Us Squat

Why do people decide to have kids?

I wrote in another blog how difficult motherhood can be. I love my kids. But they are a lot. Why do we do it?

When a couple finds out they're pregnant, it might be a joy for some or panic for others. But there’s always that decision point of, what are we going to do now? Are we going to have this child or not?

Here’s the thing. I think every parent understands on some level the fact that the child they will have is not a miniature version of them. The child will have their own individual self. Their own personalities, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, abilities, and potentially disabilities. They will have fears, dreams, struggles, triumphs. They will be their own person.

There is a possibility that the child they bear may grow up to reject everything that they believe. They may grow up to become something their parents stand against. They may grow up only to hate them, or to blame them for everything wrong with their lives.

That’s the risk that parents take.

Why take that risk at all? It’s a difficult, thankless job. Why put themselves through it? Maybe there’s a biological drive within us that encourages reproduction. Maybe we feel compelled by the Genesis command from God to populate the Earth (though I think we’ve done a sufficiently good job of that at this point). Maybe it’s about love, as often, but not always, children are created between two people who love each other. Or maybe it’s about legacy, or being able to leave something behind.

I suppose there could be many reasons.

What are God's reasons? Why did He create us?

After all, God knew even more than expecting parents what kind of things to expect. He knew that we were going to be our own individuals, with our own personalities, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, abilities, and potential disabilities. That we would have fears, dreams, struggles, triumphs. That we would be our own person.

God knew that many of us would reject Him. That many of us would become something He stands against. That many of us would hate Him, or blame Him for everything wrong with our lives.

It's a difficult, thankless job.

And yet, He created us anyway.

I know as a parent, some of my favorite moments are the sweet snuggles, the tender moments, and the successes. Some of my least favorite moments are when my kids are misbehaving and being so blatantly disrespectful it makes my head spin.

The most painful moments are when my kids are struggling. Like when my older son was being bullied at school or only found one egg in an Easter egg hunt. Or when my younger son fell off the bed and had to get a staple in his head or almost got hit by a car. There are moments of great anguish, that pierce my soul even merely remembering them.

I imagine God has those moments, too. Does God get frustrated with us for misbehaving and being disrespectful? Does He feel great anguish when we suffer? I can only imagine, since God loves us even more than we love our children, since He is love, that He does.

Of course, as a human mother, there’s not much I can do to protect my kids from all the suffering in the world. I can try, but I am limited as to my ability. I can teach them how to keep themselves safe, and I can do my best to put safeguards in place, but in the end, I can’t protect them from everything. 

God in His infinite power and might… Couldn’t he protect us from all suffering?

This is a question that is endlessly debated in theology. Why does God let us suffer? Why does He let bad things happen to good people? Of course, even though that is a commonly asked question, we have to recognize first the fact that none of us are good. Only God is good. But the question stands.

My eldest son can be rather dramatic, and sometimes when we refuse to let him watch screens all day or don't buy him that new expensive toy or game he wants, he'll complain, "You never let me do anything fun! You never get me what I want! Don't you love me?"

While the entitlement in that comment bugs me, the feeling behind it I understand. It's a feeling of grave disappointment and disillusionment. 

It's a familiar feeling. I think we all feel that way sometimes. That feeling of being disappointed by the way life is going, or not going. And we throw our hands up at the sky and ask, "Why won’t you do this for me, God? Don’t you love me?"

You see this all over Scripture.

Eve, pondering the fruit on the forbidden tree. "Don't you love me?"

Moses, railing against God in the desert. "Don't you love me?"

David, having been promised the throne but hiding in a cave. "Don't you love me?"

Jeremiah, cursing the day he was born. "Don't you love me?"

Elijah, fleeing for his life. "Don't you love me?"

Perhaps the very root of sin is doubting God loves us and seeking to fill the God-sized hole in our lives in other ways.

Recently, though, I've come to believe something rather simple and yet profound: God doesn’t owe us squat. 

Think of all that God has done for us. God has given us life. It’s like the song says, it’s His breath in our lungs. God has given us this big, beautiful, amazing world that has everything we need in it to sustain life. God has revealed enough of Himself in this world to be evident to anyone who seeks him. God gave us mercy, grace and forgiveness through Jesus. And God has sent us the Holy Spirit, to accompany us, and comfort us, and guide us.

How can we honestly throw our hands up and say, don’t you love us?

I think there is a deeply erroneous belief behind this feeling of disappointment. A belief of if God doesn’t answer every one of our prayers, or make everything go our way, or do the things we want in the manner we want them, that either He’s either not there, not listening, or doesn’t care. We get angry with God. We deny Him, turn our backs on Him, walk away, curse Him, even. Give up belief. Because He let us suffer.

As if we think God owes us something, because we believe or because we go to church. As if we feel the fact that we are mostly not sinning means we are entitled to only good things. As if we expect a quid pro quo relationship with the God of the universe. Like our faith is a get out of jail free card, liberating us from the troubles of this world. 

Stanley Hauerwas states in his book, After Christendom, “For the salvation promised in the good news is not a life free from suffering, free from servitude, but rather a life that freely suffers, that freely serves, because such suffering and service is the hallmark of the Kingdom established by Jesus.”

The idea that if we follow Jesus, He will answer all our prayers and give us everything we want like a cosmic vending machine (insert prayer, receive blessing) is popular, but not necessarily Biblical.

Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33) and that the world would treat us the same way it treated Him (John 15:20). The Apostle Paul said the earth and everything in it is "groaning", waiting for redemption (Romans 8:22). Peter added that we should expect suffering, and that when that suffering is for Christ, we should rejoice in it.

I don't always give my kid what he wants. I don't - can't - always stop him from suffering. But I'm there for him when he does. And sometimes I can give him surprises or special treats or trips or privileges. If I were to always give him what he wants, if I were always successful in keeping him from disappointment, he would become incredibly spoiled and entitled. He would think the world revolves around him. He would never understand that his actions have consequences. He would never learn social and emotional skills like how to manage frustration and disappointment. He would never grow as an individual. He would be a failure of an adult.

I don't know why God only intercedes sometimes. I don't know why a few people with cancer are healed while thousands of others die. Why one house is spared in a tornado while the rest of the neighborhood is demolished. Why some children grow up in safe houses and others don't. 

Trauma doesn't discriminate between "Christian" and "non-Christian".  Christians are abused, raped, trafficked, tortured, and killed. Christians die of disease and in car accidents. Christians have disabilities and struggle with mental health. Christians live in poverty, lose jobs, and face homelessness. 

Sometimes God intervenes. 

But many times, He does not.

The Bible does promise God always hears our prayers. That He doesn't ignore us. That He is near. That He is the giver of good gifts. But not that He will send only good things our way.

I do wonder though if there are more instances of Him intervening then we know. If He intervenes in ways that we are unaware of. If even more suffering would have happened without His intervention.

I also wonder if a lot of the suffering we endure isn't our own fault. Our fault due to not following His direction, ignoring His will, or outright sinning. Or, if not our fault, then the fault of the person who committed the sin against us, causing our suffering, or the fault of the bystander who did nothing to intervene. 

Rather than direct intervention, God often calls His people to be the miracle in someone else's life... but when we fail to follow that calling, people don't get their miracle.

But maybe, that's not the point at all. Maybe the point is this:

We don't give our lives to Jesus so that He saves us from all the suffering in this world.

We give our lives to Jesus because He accompanies us in our suffering.

We don't follow God's way because it entitles us to a better life.

We follow God's way because we love Him and because being in relationship with God changes us at a core level.

Life is better with God, because we have hope. We have love. We have vision for a better tomorrow.

For this is the comfort that we have in our suffering. One day, everyone will be healed. There will be no more death. There will be no more suffering. He will wipe every tear from our eyes. The suffering that we endure while on Earth will all fade away and seem like nothing more than a bad dream in comparison to the glory that awaits us in God's presence.

We may experience Hell on Earth, but Heaven is coming.

For He is a good, good Father.