"Who am I really? The answer to that question is found in the answer to another. What is God's heart toward me, or, how do I affect him? If God is the Pursuer, the Ageless Romancer, the Lover, then there has to be a Beloved, one who is the Pursued. This is our role in the story." - Curtis & Eldredge, "The Sacred Romance"
A fellow writer I follow online recently published a new book about her journey from Atheism to Christianity. When I searched for it on Amazon, I had a series of "Ex-Christian" books that popped up instead - the stories of people who have left Christianity.
It's astonishing to me how close I was to being one.
You would think since I was raised in the Church, believed my whole life, have been incredibly active in serving the Church, and even have taken higher education courses in Bible and Theology... you would think it wouldn't have happened to me.
When everything went down, I was in shock. I was angry and sad and disillusioned. Recently, I told the story to the pastor at my new church, and the words, "It broke me", came out.
In a sense, I was broken.
I felt pushed out of the Church. Unwanted.
And the irony of it all was it felt as though I was pushed out for doing what God had called me to do. For doing His work.
When I left the Church, truth be told, I left God, too.
I didn't stop believing in Him. But I wasn't sure what that meant anymore. I wasn't certain where we stood.
You know when a couple starts dating in their teens, and then dates for a long time, how they get to know each other's parents really well? In fact, their parents are like second parents to one another. They feel at home in each other's houses. Her parents love him, and his parents love her.
But then, sometimes, they break up. Maybe it’s no one's fault, it wasn’t meant to be. Or, maybe, it was someone's fault, but they don't tell anyone because they have several mutual friends and their families are close.
Only then, things are weird afterwards. The girl, perhaps she doesn’t know where she stands anymore with his parents. She doesn't know if she is still welcome at their house. She doesn’t know if they still love her. She doesn’t know if they’re angry at her or, worse, disappointed. She doesn't know whose side they're on, but assumes it isn't hers.
So, she avoids them. And somehow the loss of his parents is even worse than the loss of him.
That’s how it felt when I left the Church.
It felt... weird. I didn't know where I stood with God. I didn't know if I was still welcome in His presence. I didn't know if He still loved me. I didn't know if He was angry at me or, worse, disappointed. I wasn’t sure if He was on their side or my side. So, I avoided Him.
I mentioned before I had an experience with God that led me back to Church. Due to that experience, I realized that while I may have given up on the Church, God hadn’t given up on me. He still loved me; He still welcomed me. I wasn't unwanted. He was pursuing me.
And that meant everything.
I think what happened to me was wrong. However, it happened. And I could’ve chosen to let it keep me away from faith forever. But I didn’t, because God came after me.
The pursuit of God reminded me of two things. One, the song, "Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury. A beautiful song, if you aren't familiar with it. The chorus goes like this, "Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God.
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99. And I couldn't earn it; I don't deserve it, still You give yourself away..."
God pursues us with His reckless love. God pursued me... even when I wasn't looking for Him.
The second thing I am reminded of is a book I read in college, called, "The Sacred Romance", by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. In the book, the authors talk about how we all have this longing deep inside of us to be loved. Truly loved, seen, and accepted for who we are.
I think this is why romance books and movies are so incredibly popular. There’s a longing in each of us for the kind of love immortalized in stories.
Overall, we are a very lonely people. We do not feel seen or heard or accepted. In fact, loneliness is on the rise in the U.S.
I've mentioned before the importance of social connections and community in helping combat loneliness. We are wired for community and need one another.
But, what if there's more?
What would you say if I told you we are also wired for community with God? Our Creator, the lover of our souls, the only one who completely sees us for who we truly are and still loves us enough to die for us.
The One who pursues us.
In "The Sacred Romance", it states, "The truth of the gospel is intended to free us to love God and others with our whole heart. When we ignore this heart aspect of our faith and try to live out our religion solely as correct doctrine or ethics, our passion is crippled, or perverted, and the divorce of our soul from the heart purposes of God toward us is deepened."
The calling of our lives - the purpose even - is to love God and love others, which we can do through His love, given freely to us.
Simple.
Why do we make it so complicated?
The Bible goes as far as to say God is love. God is love. God is love!
Why do so many consider God the opposite? People believe God is harsh and judgmental and cruel and cold, because that has been their experience of Christians, and since Christians are supposed to be representative of God, they assume God is that way as well.
I didn't believe this, until I experienced the dark side of Christianity personally. Church can hurt.
If the greatest commandments are to love God and love one another... I fear we have failed at both.
Consider Jesus' words in John 15: "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love" (9-10).
If no one has ever told you before - God loves you.
It doesn't matter what people have said to you. It doesn't matter how Christians have treated you. It doesn't matter how you've been rejected, unwanted, or unloved.
God loves you infinitely. He pursues you. He wants to win your heart.
Giving God your heart will start you on the greatest romance journey you have ever known.
But be forewarned: it will cost you everything.
It will gain you even more.
Add comment
Comments