Made for More

Valentine's Day was this week. Or, as my college roommate used to call it, "Single Awareness Day". I assume, since she is married now, she no longer calls it that, but it was highly amusing as two single ladies back in the day.

It seems Christmas is barely over before the Valentine's merchandise hits the shelf. Stores are entirely taken over with a montage of pink and red. There are hearts and flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries. There are stuffed animals of all sizes large and small, boxes of assorted candy treats, colorful Hallmark cards, and many kinds of cheap kids' valentines with pictures of unicorns or Marvel heroes or Snoopy on them.

The Valentine's messages vary from "I like you" or "I love you" to "kiss me" and "love me". The cards wax poetry about love and "be mine forever". It's not unusual in these poetic messages to see words like "made for you" or even, "soulmate".

As a little girl, I believed in soulmates. I believed God had one specific person chosen for me, and I only had to wait for him to appear. In the purity culture I was raised in, us girls were told to pray for our mate, wherever and whoever he might be, that God will help him wait for us same as we were waiting for him. We were even encouraged to write letters to him, to pledge our future devotion. There seemed to be a large focus on this, as though our goal in life was merely to find our mate and support him.

It seems rather silly now. But as a young Christian girl, it fit into the cultural worldview around me.

Sometimes I wish instead of being coached on how to prepare ourselves for our one-day husband, we had been coached on how to prepare ourselves for living a mature, Christian life. 

That's part of the double-edged sword of the purity culture - that it teaches girls their main goal in life is to serve men. Girls must dress and behave modestly, so men don't stumble into lust (apparently, they don't have good self-control). Girls must hold physical boundaries with boys, so as to not lose their purity too soon (since clearly boys can't be trusted to hold boundaries). Once married, girls must be demure and submit to their men, as otherwise men might look for the respect they seek outside of the home (and of course, that would be the wives' fault, too). 

The Valentine's Day fiasco only contributes to this belief that a girl is only of value if someone loves her. If she "belongs" to someone. As if finding a man and settling down is her only purpose. Well, that and popping out as many children as possible. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, and all that.

I have written before on the conservative Church's stance against women in the pulpit, but the attitude against women which runs rampant throughout the Church is concerns more than merely women in leadership. There is subtle patriarchy everywhere. Assumptions about how women should dress and live and act. Assumptions about a woman's role in life, not merely within the sanctuary. And of course, assumptions regarding women's submission to men.

I've been reading a lot about women and the Bible as of late. The best book I read was "Nice Church Patriarchy" by Liz Cooledge Jenkins. An amazing read - I highly recommend it. She writes, "Churches are either fully supportive of women, or they're not. They either encourage women to pursue whatever opportunities we find ourselves drawn toward, or they place gendered limitations on leadership roles for women. Women are either free to be completely who God calls us to be, or we are pigeonholed into a limited set of roles and functions."

What is interesting about the Bible, is even though it was written in an intensely patriarchal culture, there are still examples of women taking center stage, women in ministry, and women in leadership. In its time and place, those stories would have been culture-shaking. While people tend to think the Bible is against women, a strong case for the rights of women within the Church and the broader culture can be made from Scripture if you examine all the various examples.

People also tend to believe that Paul hated women. "I do not allow women to speak." But Paul also acknowledged and affirmed women leaders in ministry and complimented their teaching. So... was he a hypocrite? Or have we perhaps misunderstood his message?

To me, the bottom line is this: if someone's interpretation of Scripture is being used to harm, oppress, and deny the rights or spiritual inheritance of another, than their interpretation is likely misguided. Because the overall message of the Bible is one of a Holy, Almighty God, who loves and has compassion on His people, and calls His people to also love and have compassion on others.

Something we may have missed along the way.

At the very least, we should be asking questions.

As Cooledge Jenkins put it, "I felt, as a young women, 'erased a little' - constantly subject to gendered restrictions and cautions, from sexualized compliments in one setting to sexualized-anxiety-drive measures of control in another... My body may not have been subject to violence. But my sense of self, confidence, freedom, and rights ... was absolutely subjected to violence, and it was subjected all the time."

The Bible says we are ALL created in His image. The New Testament says ALL believers are given gifts through the Spirit and they should use their gifts to serve the community. It does NOT say "only men are given gifts of leadership" and "only women are given gifts of service". It does NOT say women are not gifted in teaching or preaching or leading. Quite the contrary - we see examples of all three. 

Truth of it is, we - male and female, all of us - were created with gifts and abilities in order to serve the Church and bring glory to God.

We were made for more.

This is not to say there isn't value in love and friendship and marriage and parenthood. Paul may have gone as far to say it is better to stay single so as not to be distracted from God's work, but I'm not prepared to go that far - especially as a wife and mother myself. Love and friendship and marriage and even parenthood can be incredible blessings. We certainly need others - we need social connections and community.

But if we focus on that as our life goal, sometimes our relationships - or lack thereof - can become our idol. 

And we may lose sight of what we were truly created for: to do the good works which God has set before us since the beginning of time. The Bible mentions things like:

To seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly.

To care for the orphan, the widow, and the foreigner.

To love our neighbor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the imprisoned, and welcome the stranger.

To love God, and love others.

To bring His kingdom to Earth as it is in Heaven.

We have work to do. If we keep muzzling women, the work will take longer. Women have incredible gifts ready to be shared and to bless others.

It's time to acknowledge: We were made for more.