I See the Pain You Carry

A few months ago, I was having lunch with a friend of mine. It had been a while since we had met together, so we were catching each other up on everything that had transpired since the previous visit. I was sharing about my plans to start seminary, and how surprised I was that the experiences of the past few years led me here. Talking about my time walking away from the church - and the events leading up to that time - made emotions well up. 

My friend looked at me, and said something simple yet rather profound, "I see the pain you carry."

Whoa.

I felt pierced to the heart.

I felt seen. Heard. Understood. Supported.

My new pastor refers to my experiences as my "church wounding". She's not wrong. After all, church isn’t supposed to hurt. Church is supposed to be a sanctuary. A place of respite and refuge and safety. And yet, all too often, that is not the experience people have. We are betrayed, abused, or abandoned by the church. Or perhaps, by the Christians inside the church. 

People who stop attending church because of harm or conflict they experienced are sometimes referred to as "church causalities". And there are a growing number of them - especially after the very conflict-filled last six years.

These woundings run deep. To be hurt in a place you thought was safe, in a place you once called home, by the people you thought you could trust... creates a profound injury. It's traumatic. I have heard pastors from the pulpit condemn those who have left the church because of such woundings. I have heard Christians being dismissive of those who have walked away because of such wounding. They decide, for their own comfort, those who left probably weren't "real Christians" to begin with.

Sometimes we are quick to defend the church, without taking a moment to see the pain people are carrying. Without taking a moment to care for the wounded. We forget that the true church is not the institution or a specific congregation or a building.

The true church is the people. We are the church.

And when people are wounded by the institution or a specific congregation or a congregation's leadership, the rest of the church needs to come alongside them, rather than immediately jump to side with the institution. 

We can say to them, I see the pain you carry.

In the Gospels, we find Jesus repeatedly siding with those who had been wounded by religion (the church of the time) and by religious people. We see Jesus condemning the religious teachers and leaders who made it difficult for others to draw near to God. We see Jesus touching those who religion had deemed untouchable, helping those who religion had forgotten, and forgiving those who religion had declared unredeemable. Jesus saw the pain the people carried.

Jesus sees the pain we carry.

There's a song by Kathie Lee Gifford called, "The God Who Sees". In the song, it says:

And I will be a ring of fire around you

And I will be the glory in your midst
And the power of My presence
Will bring you to your knees
Then I will lift you up again
For I'm the God who sees

God sees the pain we carry. And He says, you were never meant to carry this alone. God may not always free us from the difficulties we walk through. He may not save us from all traumatic events and crises. But He does promise to be with us in the midst of them. Psalms 34:18 states, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." God is near. God is here, holding us, witnessing our pain, but even more so, offering to help carry the pain that we have. To carry the burden. We are promised we can cast our cares on Him and He will be our strength.

And... God calls His Church - the people, the believers - to also walk alongside those who are suffering. To comfort those who grieve. To console those who are wounded. Paul states in Galatians 6:2 we should "bear one another's burdens".  We are called to pray for one another, to visit those who are suffering, to help those in need. We are called to be a community of support. How often we have failed this calling!

If you are one who has been wounded by the church... my friend, I see the pain you carry.

But even more importantly?

So does God. 

And He will not stop pursuing you. He will not let you go so easily.

Because He loves you.

And He wants you to come home.