In case you were wondering at my silence this past two weeks, well, I was on vacation. Although the vacation itself was marvelous - very restful, in fact - the travel to and fro was long and full of delays and other annoyances. Nevertheless, I used the long travel time to read and rest and even watch a movie.
Since I was flanked on the airplane by my two young sons, I had to pick something age-appropriate as they regularly peeked over my shoulder. I choose "Turning Red", a 2022 movie by Pixar. I had never seen it before. I know there was some controversy around the film when it came out because it talks about a girl having her first period (gasp!), but that's only a small part of the film. I actually found the story quite fascinating.
The family in the film are Korean immigrants living in Canada. The women in this family upon reaching puberty have a condition where anytime they experience strong emotions, whether it be excitement, anger, embarrassment, or something else, they turn into a giant red panda. The panda is unpredictable and wild. Therefore, the women go through a ritual, supported by a shaman and the women who have gone before them, to expel the panda. Then they can go forward as dutiful family women, able to control themselves properly.
Meilin, the 13-year-old in the film, struggles with an internal conflict when as it turns out, she quite LIKES the panda. And, others like the panda, too. Until the panda appears, she's been the perfect daughter, a straight-A student, and a dedicated temple worker. She's bent over backwards to meet her parents' high expectations for her. As the panda, she is able to live outside of those expectations and have new experiences. She lives ... bigger. She isn't certain she wants to let that go.
The film is said to represent the Asian American daughter experience. It could be said to represent many different immigrant stories, where immigrant children have to balance between the traditions of their family and the culture they came from with the new ways of the culture they now live in.
But perhaps it represents even more than that.
After all, I am neither an immigrant nor a daughter of immigrants, and yet, I could relate to what Meilin was feeling.
This feeling of needing to be smaller, to take up less space, to be less in order to meet expectations was remarkably familiar. Family expectations, yes, but mostly, church expectations and limits put on me because of my gender.
Oddly, most of the limits which have been put on me have been not from men, but from other women.
From the woman who shattered my dreams of being a pastor as a child, to the woman who scolded me for searching for a church with a female pastor, across my life there have constantly been women who have not understood why I am not happy just staying at home and being a housewife and mother. Women who have not understand this call within me. Women who have told me the call I feel must not be from God, because God doesn't call women to such things.
I can't help but wonder... why do women do that to other women? Even in the film, it was the women in the family enforcing this ritual on Meilin. Her dad was the most supportive when she felt unsure about going through with it.
I truly believe some women are called to being a housewife and mother, and there is certainly great joy in living out your calling. (Sidenote: I believe some men are called to being stay at home dads, too.)
Maybe those who oppose women in ministry are so happy and content with their lives they think other women should be, too.
Or, maybe, they are miserable but feel there is no other option and so all other women should be there, too. I don't know. Misery does love company, so they say.
I think the church has put people in boxes for far too long. If you're a man, you are supposed to be "manly" and be a natural leader and take charge, regardless of whether or not you are gifted that way. If you're a woman, you are to be dutiful and servient and submissive, regardless of whether or not you have been gifted for something else. In forcing people into gender roles for which they are not equipped or prepared for, the result can be quite painful.
Is it any wonder religious homes in the U.S. have the highest rates of domestic violence? Or the second highest rates of alcoholism?
By putting people in boxes, we are limiting people from truly living in their calling and living out the gifts God has blessed them with. We are depriving the church community of those gifts and callings! We are only hurting ourselves.
God made each of us unique, with a unique fingerprint to leave behind. We have unique giftings, talents, and ways of seeing the world. We don't all fit in the box.
We aren't supposed to.
In the process of making people less, are we stripping away the way God made them? Are we neglecting the contributions they have to the Kingdom of God?
Liz Cooledge Jenkins in her book, "Nice Church Patriarchy", says she believes most people who perpetuate patriarchal systems in the church do not have ill-intentions, they are merely following tradition. And they've never thought to question those traditions, until someone brings it up.
Which may be true, but then you have examples like the Southern Baptist Convention, who are about to expel all churches who dared to defy them by ordaining a female. They've had their traditions questioned, and they've decided to hold to them.
As a woman, it hurts. It hurts to see Bible-following, Christ-believing Christians continuing to say over and over again that I am less than, simply because of my gender. That I am less capable, less equipped, less gifted, less ... human? Like the pastor in the church I visited last year who said Genesis 2 "clearly shows" that women were created inferior to men.
People actually believe that.
And churches which deny the gifts God has given women continue to affirm that belief and make us feel less than.
Only... like Meilin, more and more of us are finding we like the red panda inside of us. We do not want to hide it anymore. God gave us these gifts and talents and callings not to expel them, not to shove them down, not to be ashamed of them, but to use them for His glory and the work of the church.
It's time to embrace our red panda.
For the Glory of God.
For the growth of the church.
In the end, the only One who's expectations I need to meet - are His.
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